Most people avoid feedback because it elicits negative emotions. Whether you are providing or receiving feedback, both is uncomfortable. However, feedback does not have to be uncomfortable or painful. Under the right conditions, this is an ideal tool that meets most people's wish to hear the truth about what others think about them.
"I’ve worked closely with dozens of senior executives over the years — and the number one complaint I hear from them is that people won’t tell them the truth," says Joseph Grenn, a U.S. expert on improving corporate performance, in a recent article on the Harvard Business Review website. The trigger of feedback discomfort, according to him, is not the message itself, but how safe people feel when they hear it. When they feel psychologically safe, they can accept even unpleasant truths. How can you achieve a feeling of safety? Consider the following three principles.
1. You can't make others feel safe
Only you can manage your emotions. Everybody has to deal with his own fears and decide how safe he feels.
2. You can help others feel safer
There are various steps you can take to help others feel safer when you are planning to provide feedback. One of them is to announce your intention as to why you are providing feedback, so that the person can be mentally prepared. Another way is to ask for permission to provide your feedback at that time.
3. You can make yourself feel safe
Stop blaming others for your negative emotions. Find a way to face feedback directly and listen. If you are not ready to receive feedback at that moment, say so. Then arrange a more convenient time. It's much better to show a certain vulnerability than opposing everything you hear. Curiosity is the best defence. Ask questions and learn from specific examples. Your first task is to obtain information, only then you can consider whether you agree, or not.
Author and books
Joseph Grenny is an American expert on improving corporate performance. His company VitalSmarts has trained hundreds of executives from around the world and initiated a successful series of books on the topic of managing people and companies. Some books written by the team of VitalSmarts consultants Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler, have been translated into Czech and published by Management Press.
The books include Influencer: The Power to Change Anything (2012), Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (2013) or Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior (2014)
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