When we are faced with a conflict, we usually try to avoid it. We tell ourselves that if we are nice to people, they will be nice to us and conflicts will not arise. This, however, often ends up by creating more and more frustration. We start to think about what we could have done differently or complain when no one hears us. Isn't it better to face conflicts directly? Yes, it is.
Amy Jen Su, an expert on coaching and leadership development, covered this topic in an interesting article for the Harvard Business Review website. Based on her consulting experience, she prepared five recommendations on how to deal with conflicts and not harm ourselves and others.
Realize that you do not have to keep silent
People avoid conflicts mainly because conflicts evoke negative emotions such as feelings of shame and guilt that we do not want to experience. Rather than to argue with someone, we prefer harmony and peace. However, as we gain more career experience, we start to doubt whether our silence is correct. In fact, we can see that it is not. Stop acting like a novice worker who must humbly suffer aggressive behavior from the people around him.
Think of your company
Stop focusing on yourself and your fear of conflict and try to think of the needs of your company. Ask yourself this question: "What would your CEO or customers say about this situation and what solutions does your company need?"
Ask for an opinion
Do not offend others with statements like: "I need to talk to you about your negative attitude ..." Rather describe your observations such as: "In recent weeks, I've noticed how you reacted to ... and I'd like to talk with you about your opinion." Ask for suggestions for how you can achieve your common goals.
Stay calm
A conflict situation does not have to be aggressive or offensive. Different views can be addressed openly, calmly and without judgment. It's up to you to decide on what approach you prefer. Try to stay focused on the fact that the company needs effective cooperation.
Start changing slowly
To change your approach to conflict resolution, you must take the first step then gradually proceed towards the next steps. Start with retrospective conflict resolution. Use the 48 hours after a conflict to ask yourself what makes you angry, what you fear, why the problem is so personal to you. Then ask yourself what the company needs from you and what you should talk to the other party about. Then do it.
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