If you sense other people don't understand you, you probably don't feel very comfortable in discussion with them. Or you go into conflict. Now consider what it's like to be understood: you can relax, you want to open up, you have more confidence.
If you listen in a way that makes the other person feel you are really paying attention to them, they are much more likely to share important information with you. And when you are actively listening, you are also more likely to receive this information. Without active listening, it is practically impossible to have a productive dialogue.
Active listening is about non-verbal participation
Keep your body open to the other person. Try to be relaxed but attentive. If you are sitting, lean forward. Maintain continuous eye contact. Look at the person speaking, but don't stare at them. Add to the communication with simple gestures that encourage the other party to continue. Don't just shake your head, sometimes give a nod.
The last key to effective active listening is silence. When you talk, you can't listen well. This doesn't mean being silent the whole time the other person is talking, but nor does it mean continually interrupting their speech. Your goal is to understand and help the speaker be understood.
Active listening is about reflection
To reflect means to repeat or reformulate the key content or meaning of the other person's words. You confirm whether or not you understand precisely the thoughts being expressed. Surveys show people are happy to get feedback from others, even if it may not always be positive.
Try not to repeat the speaker's words, but rather summarise the meaning of the message and thoughts. Try to get to the core.
Active listening means open-ended questions
If you listen attentively, questions will appear in your mind. The questions should not precede your active interest in the other person. That means first indicating non-verbally you perceive and understand them. Without this important step, your question may not be heard by the speaker or you may easily be rejected.
When asking a question to promote dialogue, it is most effective to use open questions that cannot be answered by a simple "yes" or "no". Open questions are also used in research in general, as they encourage deeper elaboration.
At the same time, it is important to remain neutral in terms of tone and content. The last thing to keep in mind is that these tools are designed to help foster understanding by developing greater connections. Connection is the most important thing of all in listening.
Therefore, if the tools do not work in a particular situation, or if you are able to establish a connection without them, do not use them by force. They are only a guide that may help you in the dialogue.
-bb-