The extent of our ability to resolve conflicts defines how much other people trust us, respect us and how successfully we can build cooperation. If we want to manage conflict well, we must be able to control our emotions. We must start by stop repeating the same mistakes again and again. Forbes.com highlighted the following mistakes in conflict resolution emotionally intelligent people do not make. It also described a better choice of alternative behaviors.
Too much honesty
You surely have experienced a situation when you have repeatedly asks a colleague to do something, but nothing happens. Then, in an outburst of anger you call the colleague incompetent or unscrupulous. You feel that you have to do something to express your dissatisfaction. Your feeling may be correct and honest anger may be justified, but the outburst is not. Even very unpleasant issues can be expressed calmly. People do not mind the negative content of your words, as much as the intention they feel behind them. If you remain calm, therefore, they will not automatically become defensive.
Unnatural description of feelings
Communication consultants often advise their clients to start solving conflict situations by a description of their feelings of discomfort. However, this technique does not always work. Others often will perceive it as reciting learned phrases, which makes them confused or upset. You will do better to focus on facts. If you want to manage a difficult conversation, prepare basic information to speak about in advance.
Defensive stance
If someone has a different opinion, we automatically tend to become defensive and fight for the correctness of our opinion. Such a defensive stance is, however, a direct path to failure. First learn to listen and try to understand others' positions. When they see you are listening, they will be more likely to listen to you.
Blaming yourself or others
If we feel a threat, we often start blaming others for our problems. However, a conflict can be solved only if we first realize the role we play in it. The opposite extreme is blaming only yourself. Sometimes we are afraid that everything is our fault and if we speak up, it will become even worse. In reality, however, we should feel worried about not speaking up. Only when speaking up can a problem can be solved, calmly of course. Avoiding conflict is not correct.
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