It should be noted that most of us would take these situations personally: we would feel hurt, neglected, offended or betrayed by the other person. The part of us that speaks to our souls at such moments is our ego, and our ego thinks other people should take us into account. Our ego does not want to be criticised; our ego wants to be acknowledged and receive confirmation that we are always right.
When our ego takes over, it's exhausting.
So how do you stop taking things personally?
Strategy # 1: Realise it's not about you
When you take things personally, you are convinced other people's actions concern you. In fact, it's often not about you at all.
What if you try to look at things from the other person's point of view. For example, ask yourself: Why is your partner looking at their phone? Maybe they have just received an important message they were waiting for. Maybe the topic of your speech is not their cup of tea or maybe they consider it so interesting they want to take notes on their phone ...
Moving the focus from "I" to "we" offers a broader view. If you try to see the other person's intention, instead of becoming irritated, you will create space for understanding.
Looking at another person's intentions may be theoretically simple, but in reality it is really challenging. It requires discipline and training. You will become a referee, training your brain not to take things personally.
And if this "it's-not-about-you" strategy doesn't work, it usually means it really is about you. In that case, it is time to use the second approach.
Strategy # 2: Give yourself a little empathy or speak up
Let's imagine you are driving in the outside lane of a highway and the driver behind is tailgating you. Although you may think it's because he's in a hurry, you certainly can't help but wonder if you aren't going too slowly. You may realise you are at fault, which makes you feel uncomfortable. Then you have to allow yourself some empathy and appreciate how difficult it is, for example, to cope sometimes with your own desire for perfectionism.
Sometimes it can also make sense to react to your feelings and speak up in a certain situation. So if your partner picks up the phone while you are telling them about your experiences, say: "I want to tell you what I've experienced today, and you're just looking at your phone. It seems to me you just don't care about what I'm saying."
By opening up and showing how you feel without blaming the other person (!), you increase the chances your partner will understand you and take your needs into account.
Try out these strategies as soon as possible.
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