Research by the INSEAD business school suggests that dual-career couples should not concentrate only on practicalities. Instead, they need to nurture and maintain a sense of mutual support. If they succeed in supporting each other and at the same time encourage each other to experiment and take some risks, both their relationship and their careers can successfully survive.
In her book Couples That Work: How to Thrive in Love and at Work, author Jennifer Petriglieri argues that meaningful conversations are what couples need and not compromises. The author interviewed more than 100 couples.
Couples who thrived over long period of time had a habit of holding conversations that went beyond the practicalities. Busy couples are often fixated solely on immediate issues:
- Who cooks dinner
- Who orders groceries
- Who picks up the children
- Who does the housework
Success in this context can be defined as when both partners are feeling fulfilled in both love and their careers. Partners should discuss the following issues:
- What matters to them as a couple: Apart from family and children, this can be career ambitions, having enough time for a specific hobby, financial income or the place where they live. It is helpful if the couple's views on these matters are clear.
- What is off-limits for their mutual future: Certain options are simply not possible. For example, there may be an amount of travel connected to one’s job that would simply be unacceptable. This brings further clarity when it comes to life choices.
- The last key topic for discussion is fears: Perhaps one of the partners is afraid of their career gradually taking much more time, or of the rest of the family starting to intrude in the relationship.
-jk-
Book: Petriglieri, Jennifer. Couples That Work: How to Thrive in Love and at Work. Penguin Life, 2019 (304 pages)