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We cannot pick and choose who we work with. For team managers this rule is only half true as they often choose their own subordinates. Nonetheless, managers frequently find themselves in the situation of having to deal with people who are unpleasant or difficult to talk to, be they co-workers, supervisors, business partners, clients or sometimes even subordinates. How to deal with such people, de-escalate the situation and resolve everything effectively?
An article on the Addicted2Success website stresses the importance of not taking even an unpleasant interaction personally, especially in a working environment. Remember that the person in question simply has a different opinion or different values than you and is trying to achieve their goal. Do not regard this as a personal attack.
Do not let your emotions get the better of you. Instead, ask yourself what you want to achieve from the interaction. What is your goal and when will you consider the interaction successful? Ignore emotions and personal animosity; instead, focus on achieving your goal.
Try to understand what the other person is trying to tell you. At the same time, do not get sucked into a vortex of insults, doubts or negativity. Be assertive in expressing how you perceive the situation, without demeaning or ridiculing the other person.
Conflict and unpleasant interactions often arise because people have different opinions or perceive a situation differently. Try to step out of your bubble and understand why the other person perceives things the way they do (which does not necessarily mean you have to agree with their view).
It is now your turn to explain your own approach and why you perceive things the way you do. Go to the very basics and state even obvious facts. Everything might seem quite obvious and objectively correct to you, but the other person may have a quite different perception.
Interacting with someone who is perhaps behaving inappropriately is not a matter of winning and losing. You should strive to achieve your defined goal but at the same time find a win-win solution. Do not try to defeat the other person, as it is likely that neither of you would accept the loss and the situation would never be resolved.
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